Eventually
you're going to be old enough to read this and process what I'm saying to you. In
three days, you'll be eight years old, and I cannot believe it. I call you my “angel
boy” occasionally and you always ask me, “Why do you say that mom?” Because you
saved me, Kevin Lane. God sent you especially to me. You are my whole entire
universe. You have been since I held you in my arms at the NICU after you were
born. Your mom has dealt with some really rough things. You’ve seen me cry,
you’ve seen me overstimulated, you’ve seen me and your dad literally coming to
blows and I know it’s affected you. I can’t even begin to apologize for everything while I was trying to heal myself. My whole goal in this life I live is to be a better mom and a better me for you. I hope you remember the mom
that sat down with you on the floor and hugged you when you lashed out and felt
upset. I hope you remember the mom who apologized with every wrong step. I hope
you remember the mom who talked to you about feelings and honesty as discipline.
I hope you remember the mom who encouraged you and showed you to embrace your
weird and your silliness and not let anyone’s opinion of you matter. I hope you remember the mom who made you
laugh while I was cooking in the kitchen. I hope you remember us holding hands
and me looking down at you beaming with such pride. Kevin, I don’t care whom or
what you choose to become in your life, I’m going to celebrate it with my whole
heart. I’ve never met a kinder heart, and I’ve never met more of a beautiful old
soul like you. Your mother loves you with all her heart and I just hope you
remember that you are my everything. I’m honored God chose me to be your mom.
My sweet boy, my Munchkin, I love you infinitely. So much my heart could burst.
Love,
Mom
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