Do you want to know the most painful breakup I've ever had? Gather around and let's talk! Get the coffee and snacks!
So, I got with a
guy in 2014 that was a dad with two boys. The oldest was into video games and
doing his own thing. The youngest was my son’s age now. I ended up bonding with
the youngest. We’d go take the dog for walks, he’d run errands with me, we’d
watch tv and even cook together. When I went outside, he followed me asking me
a million questions. He became sort of my sidekick, like my Kevie is with me
now. So, the day came when I broke up with the guy. “You go tell the boys
you don’t care about them.” Which was particularly fucked up, but that’s
neither here nor there anymore. The oldest was just sort of, “Eh, that’s dad
for you” the youngest was devastated and in tears. At that time in my life,
I didn’t have kids, so I didn’t have the right words to say except that I cared
about him and that his dad would find someone else and he would grow to love
her just as much if not more. Of course that was the worst thing I could’ve said,
“They’re not you” it broke my heart into a million pieces if I can be
honest. Forget a dude, breaking up with kids is hard!
I walked
away from that experience really thinking about relationships and love. Even
though I didn’t have children, I couldn’t fathom getting into a relationship
with someone seriously that quickly not even knowing who they really were. It was
almost as if, “She’s hot! I’ve crushed on her since we were in High School,
I’m marrying her!” That’s lovely, but you don’t know anything at all about
me. Add in two little people with their own feelings and it becomes a
nightmare. I can’t fathom what he was thinking now that I’m healing and a mom. I
think love is truly understanding someone and loving them for their faults and
all. I also think that as a single parent, it’s not something to take lightly.
You can’t waltz into someone’s little life and then exit stage left in several
months or fuck up anytime you feel like it without it affecting the little ones. You become important and THAT is important. Love
shouldn’t be a battlefield. Love shouldn’t be toxic or messy when little people
are involved. It shouldn’t be a revolving door for their emotions nor for ours. I'm telling ya'll, if it wasn't for that moment
though, I wouldn’t have learned about what love is and isn’t. It also prepared me for my little guy and what I look for and need in someone for not only myself but for him.
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