Living With Weirdness

 

My parents in San Diego circa 2004

I have claircognizance. I never thought there was a certain word or way to describe it, but I have a “knowing” or my “intuition” is spot on about so many things. Be it people or places, I can sense if there’s something to it or not. My paternal grandmother from the UK has premonition dreams and several of my UK family members are/were psychic. It’s not something I used to blurt out because people thought I was absolutely insane. After my dad passed away, I started getting visitation dreams. I knew they were visitation dreams because they would always be during a nap and the hugs in the dreams felt real or the person in the dream had bright light surrounding them. My maternal grandmother who passed away came into a dream with bright light. My own brother visited me with bright light surrounding him, and my paternal grandfather came with a bright light around him. My dad appears occasionally, and I’ve always written them down in a dream journal. One dream I vividly remember was meeting him at this gate. Up on a hill I saw all my family who had passed away gathered around eating and all of them waved at me. I tried to go in and my dad stopped me and said, “Not now, Steph.” Dad and I talked, and he said to me, “I’ll see you in a little while.” Which is what he always said to me while he was alive. I started walking away and then it dawned on me, so I ran back to my dad at the gate crying and hugging him saying, “I’ll never see you again” I didn’t even need to write that dream down because I woke up tear soaked and sobbing. I’ve had others that involved him asking me to make him food, or the most recent where I saw both him and my mom and I woke up in tears.

Now this next dream confused me immensely. I never thought about it again after dreaming it until I realized not too long ago it was in my notes app on my old phone.

In this particular dream I was grocery shopping with a guy who I was friends with maybe a little over a year and half ago. (He’s my Christian influencer) Anyways, we were shopping, and it seemed like we were together, but I wasn’t certain. We came back from the store and walked down this long hallway that I was assuming is where someone stayed. When I opened the door, my dad was sitting there. I was shocked to see my dad and I went over to give him a big hug, and the hug felt real, so I knew it was a visitation dream. So, I said to my dad, “Dad this is, _____” introducing them. My dad stood up and looked at me smiling and said, “I know” seeming really happy to meet him. Dad then started talking about the Texas Rangers (our baseball team) and baseball talk. Which is what my dad did when he was alive. I woke up after that and was pretty confused about that dream. It didn’t make any sense at all to me, so I wrote it in my notes app and just kind of forgot about it and marked it as a random dream.

My mom died at 4 in the morning on April 7, 2024. My ex from California called me the following day out of nowhere. He didn’t have Instagram or anything to know what was going on. He said flat out, “Hey, this sounds weird but is everything okay with your mom?” I responded, “She died yesterday morning at 4am.” He paused on the phone for a minute and then said, “I was dozing off on the couch last night and around 4:30am I heard your mom call my name.” I was stunned when he said that because if I can be honest, he would be the LAST person on earth my mom would want to visit. I said, “That’s kind of strange she would go to you.” He started nervously laughing on the phone, “Yeah, I’m freaked out right now and I can’t explain this in any way. But I’m sorry for your loss.” After that conversation I really couldn’t explain why he would hear my mom after she passed away. I thought well maybe she went to him because on our road trip together back to San Diego I gave my mom the nickname, Bean. I remember driving through Winslow, Arizona and saw this cute little jumping bean with a sombrero and I looked over at my mom in the passenger seat and said, “Aww you’re my Bean!” And she became my Bean from that moment until she died. I figured that had to be the reason. Obviously, whatever it was, she wanted him to get my attention.

All of what I said makes absolutely no sense to anyone reading this. It’s like, “Yeah, okay, Stephanie?” I’ll say this. I’ve never been certain one hundred percent of what our loved ones see after they pass. I never knew if they really knew anything until I read Theresa Caputo’s book. Do they know things we don’t even see or know ourselves? Does God see things and then relay the message? What stuck out most to me is how it was both of my parents. The two people that loved me more than anything and would want me to be the happiest I could be. So, whatever it is, it's from their heart. I’ve debated on even posting this because it’s super deep and I’ve sort of had to take some moments to process it, but it’s important to post. It's my truth be it weird and all. 

Some people go their entire lives without one strange/supernatural/unusual encounter happening to them while others of us have had these sorts of things happening since practically birth. What else do we do with these things except share our experiences? It’s all a part of ultimately believing in something far bigger than yourself at the end of the day, isn’t it? We may not see something visible in front of us, but it’s the things we don’t see physically or can’t quite prove and verify that bring the magic into our lives. Keep finding the magic in your life. Regardless of what you do or don’t believe. Look for the signs, the dreams, the little things that may seem like nothing; but you never know, they may be something after all. 

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